So, no I've not done this blog for an age. Honestly, I just cant get into it. I'm also going to make this private but cant seem to work out how as I don't think some viewers really give a shit. I'll keep my private thoughts amongst those who want to know.
Not much has happened recently. I've had heaps and heaps and heaps of scans.
My sugars are (I think) awful but the hospital are happy with them. Although honestly, she doesn't even look for patterns, they see the last two days of levels and adjust accordingly. The Diabetologist doesn't even take my corrections into consideration when making changes. I'll have 3 or 4 days of 80% on target then have one night-time where I'm hovering around 16 or 14. One night it took 40 units in total to get me to 6.5 by 7am. "She" didn't even look at the highs, just told me that 6.5 was too high. She called me disgraceful when I told her I felt low at 3.8 and had to treat it. She said it wasn't "that" low. I really just give up. My A1c is around 6.8% and I just wish that if I had a bit of good advice, I'd be able to get it down. Unfortunately, there isn't anyone to ask. I feel that if I wasn't taking extra units to couevery high, my A1c would be higher.
I'm changing my basal rates myself but "She" doesn't want me bolusing for corrections. I could understand that if she was going to work out different ratios or but she doesn't. I've stopped asking advice and just do it myself but the huge highs every couple of days are hugely driving my A1c up. The midwife isnt happy either but there is literally nothing else I can do unless I change hospital.
My Obgyn is concerned too but actually admitted that she wasnt comfortable contacting the Diabetologist about it. I had an appt on Tuesday and my ObGyn told me to go home and not wait to see DrB as she had been delayed and was in furious form. She told me to leave my diary and get my bloods done but to just go home.
On the plus side, my ObGyn is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.. I actually think I love her. She is so thorough and covers everything every visit and gets everything done asap and calmly but is still sweet and funny and cares so much. She looks at scans and goes "oh the beautiful baba". She's quite gushy and I suppose I think I could find her annoyingly "sweet" BUT shes so bloody good at what she does, it adds to her already extensive charm. She really knows her stuff. She's done every test known to mad and goes through every little thing to the nth with me. I ask her the same stuff over and over sometimes and she doesnt mind.
SO she did a full work up on me. She's done all the background bloods so that we know quickly if anything goes wrong. She did a really long 40min cardiac scan. She also did a doppler scan which checks the arteries going into the placenta and the cord and says that she think I have a very very slim chance of getting PET before 34wks. I have no signs at all and at 24wks there would be something - a slightly smaller baby or a one-off even whitecoat high BP, protein or something. The Bean is measuring 690g (1lb 6oz) and they would expect 550g at 25 wks, slightly less if there was a chance of PET.
She has a big plan for me - any sign of PET at all before 36wks and I'll get two days "R&R" to get my steroid shots (I'm terrified of not getting them so shes thinking of doing this at 32wks anyways!) If I go into labour naturally, she'll give me until I show any signs of instability or I dont progress or I get worried. She is refusing to let me be induced and her preference is to have a planned Monday morning CS around 37-38wks.
She is adamant that if the baby is over 2kg, they'll let me keep Bean with me - also getting skin to skin. She's given me a minute by minute account of how it will all (ideally) and is determined that she's in charge and she wants to give me the birth she thinks i deserve **sob**. She's just wonderful. She'll be doing my scans and will just be rubbing my knee and keep chatting away and then give me a big hug and rub my tummy. I just love her LOL!!!!
Two very good pals are being very very good and coming over to see me in April. Both Emma and Lisa, who I've barely picked up the phone to over the last few months are getting on planes and coming to visit. I'm over the moon as I'm actually quite housebound. I get very tired and having put on so much weight because of the nausea, I feel very uncomfortable and highly unattractive.
I really don't think I was ready properly for this pregnancy. I wasn't at all aware of the level of anxiety and worry I would develop about the pregnancy. I have been torn daily between getting ready for a baby and not genuinely believing I'd actually bring one home this time. I think its only now, at 25 weeks, and with the constant insistence of my consultant that I'm starting to believe that this will all have a happy ending. I don't think I realised before I got pregnant how scary it would be. If I had known, I now know I wouldn't have gotten pregnant again. Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited now about meeting my Bean and having another monster in our family but I don't think I made the choice to go for it with all the facts.
I don't think I could recommend this either. I don't think that anyone with a history like mine should choose go through this again. Its too hard. Too painful, too worrying, too traumatic.
