So, no I've not done this blog for an age. Honestly, I just cant get into it. I'm also going to make this private but cant seem to work out how as I don't think some viewers really give a shit. I'll keep my private thoughts amongst those who want to know.
Not much has happened recently. I've had heaps and heaps and heaps of scans.
My sugars are (I think) awful but the hospital are happy with them. Although honestly, she doesn't even look for patterns, they see the last two days of levels and adjust accordingly. The Diabetologist doesn't even take my corrections into consideration when making changes. I'll have 3 or 4 days of 80% on target then have one night-time where I'm hovering around 16 or 14. One night it took 40 units in total to get me to 6.5 by 7am. "She" didn't even look at the highs, just told me that 6.5 was too high. She called me disgraceful when I told her I felt low at 3.8 and had to treat it. She said it wasn't "that" low. I really just give up. My A1c is around 6.8% and I just wish that if I had a bit of good advice, I'd be able to get it down. Unfortunately, there isn't anyone to ask. I feel that if I wasn't taking extra units to couevery high, my A1c would be higher.
I'm changing my basal rates myself but "She" doesn't want me bolusing for corrections. I could understand that if she was going to work out different ratios or but she doesn't. I've stopped asking advice and just do it myself but the huge highs every couple of days are hugely driving my A1c up. The midwife isnt happy either but there is literally nothing else I can do unless I change hospital.
My Obgyn is concerned too but actually admitted that she wasnt comfortable contacting the Diabetologist about it. I had an appt on Tuesday and my ObGyn told me to go home and not wait to see DrB as she had been delayed and was in furious form. She told me to leave my diary and get my bloods done but to just go home.
On the plus side, my ObGyn is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.. I actually think I love her. She is so thorough and covers everything every visit and gets everything done asap and calmly but is still sweet and funny and cares so much. She looks at scans and goes "oh the beautiful baba". She's quite gushy and I suppose I think I could find her annoyingly "sweet" BUT shes so bloody good at what she does, it adds to her already extensive charm. She really knows her stuff. She's done every test known to mad and goes through every little thing to the nth with me. I ask her the same stuff over and over sometimes and she doesnt mind.
SO she did a full work up on me. She's done all the background bloods so that we know quickly if anything goes wrong. She did a really long 40min cardiac scan. She also did a doppler scan which checks the arteries going into the placenta and the cord and says that she think I have a very very slim chance of getting PET before 34wks. I have no signs at all and at 24wks there would be something - a slightly smaller baby or a one-off even whitecoat high BP, protein or something. The Bean is measuring 690g (1lb 6oz) and they would expect 550g at 25 wks, slightly less if there was a chance of PET.
She has a big plan for me - any sign of PET at all before 36wks and I'll get two days "R&R" to get my steroid shots (I'm terrified of not getting them so shes thinking of doing this at 32wks anyways!) If I go into labour naturally, she'll give me until I show any signs of instability or I dont progress or I get worried. She is refusing to let me be induced and her preference is to have a planned Monday morning CS around 37-38wks.
She is adamant that if the baby is over 2kg, they'll let me keep Bean with me - also getting skin to skin. She's given me a minute by minute account of how it will all (ideally) and is determined that she's in charge and she wants to give me the birth she thinks i deserve **sob**. She's just wonderful. She'll be doing my scans and will just be rubbing my knee and keep chatting away and then give me a big hug and rub my tummy. I just love her LOL!!!!
Two very good pals are being very very good and coming over to see me in April. Both Emma and Lisa, who I've barely picked up the phone to over the last few months are getting on planes and coming to visit. I'm over the moon as I'm actually quite housebound. I get very tired and having put on so much weight because of the nausea, I feel very uncomfortable and highly unattractive.
I really don't think I was ready properly for this pregnancy. I wasn't at all aware of the level of anxiety and worry I would develop about the pregnancy. I have been torn daily between getting ready for a baby and not genuinely believing I'd actually bring one home this time. I think its only now, at 25 weeks, and with the constant insistence of my consultant that I'm starting to believe that this will all have a happy ending. I don't think I realised before I got pregnant how scary it would be. If I had known, I now know I wouldn't have gotten pregnant again. Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited now about meeting my Bean and having another monster in our family but I don't think I made the choice to go for it with all the facts.
I don't think I could recommend this either. I don't think that anyone with a history like mine should choose go through this again. Its too hard. Too painful, too worrying, too traumatic.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
All good from here. 16+1
So it turned out to be all worth it in the end. I has Isabella at the GP where her chest was declared pneumonia free and then up to the Rotunda for my "bloods". Roisin met us outside and I was only sitting for seconds before my diabetic midwife (who usually gets a vein instantly) had her first dig around. She got 2ml in one vein before it collapsed and the same on the other arm. At that point, the chief phlebotomist called a halt and rang the anaesthetist-on-call.
He arrived very quickly and went swiftly for the biggest cannula he could find and viciously but accurately got a vein in my hand. Using the vacuum he slowly but surely got the bloods we needed, losing the vein half way (I told him not to use the vacuum - LOL) but finding it again by wiggling the needle. I was a jibbering, snotty, sobbing wreck by the end and there was literally blood everywhere, the walls, the floor, the chair, my hand and arm and the nurses shoes. It was like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The nurses cleaned me all up and gave me a tissue, some wet wipes and one of them gave me a hug. I think it was traumatic for them all. Their treatment of me was a reassuring sign of things to come. They're all pretty damn wonderful really. They promised to rush my bloods through and I got the hell out of there (until my psych appointment next week that is).
With wounded pride and a sore hand, Isabella and Roisin and I had a lovely lazy afternoon of lunch and coffee with fairy cakes. As we were headed home, I got a call from a lovely midwife. They had speeded up my bloods and everything had come back very positive. All my levels are well within range, my iron, liver enzymes, urea, creatinine, blood count - everything.
Not only does this mean that I can immediately start the heparin shots (yay), it also means I have a perfect starting point for the 2nd trimester. The news was the boost I really needed. These are the test results they never had last time as my consultant was an idiot. If anything goes wrong now, they'll know straight away and be able to help ASAP.
What a huge relief. Huge. Almost worth the yucky stuff. Only almost tho!!
He arrived very quickly and went swiftly for the biggest cannula he could find and viciously but accurately got a vein in my hand. Using the vacuum he slowly but surely got the bloods we needed, losing the vein half way (I told him not to use the vacuum - LOL) but finding it again by wiggling the needle. I was a jibbering, snotty, sobbing wreck by the end and there was literally blood everywhere, the walls, the floor, the chair, my hand and arm and the nurses shoes. It was like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The nurses cleaned me all up and gave me a tissue, some wet wipes and one of them gave me a hug. I think it was traumatic for them all. Their treatment of me was a reassuring sign of things to come. They're all pretty damn wonderful really. They promised to rush my bloods through and I got the hell out of there (until my psych appointment next week that is).
With wounded pride and a sore hand, Isabella and Roisin and I had a lovely lazy afternoon of lunch and coffee with fairy cakes. As we were headed home, I got a call from a lovely midwife. They had speeded up my bloods and everything had come back very positive. All my levels are well within range, my iron, liver enzymes, urea, creatinine, blood count - everything.
Not only does this mean that I can immediately start the heparin shots (yay), it also means I have a perfect starting point for the 2nd trimester. The news was the boost I really needed. These are the test results they never had last time as my consultant was an idiot. If anything goes wrong now, they'll know straight away and be able to help ASAP.
What a huge relief. Huge. Almost worth the yucky stuff. Only almost tho!!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
I'm back. Sort of. 16wks
Sorry for not updating in so long.
Honestly? I've been waiting until I was in better form, feeling healthier and more positive etc. I'm still waiting.
I'm 16wks today. At this stage with Isabella, I was more than half way through my pregnancy and I was about to get married. I am starting to get little wriggles and stretches and the rare kick. I can feel the Bean mooching around and love when it ducks and pushes away from a belt or a my laptop. It gives me a little reason to smile.
I had my first appointment on the 28th but it was disastrous. The midwives were totally uninterested and the doctor didn't even open my file or sit down. There were so many things the doctors visit was supposed to do. I was to get her to organise appts with the coagulation clinic, the BP clinic, the psychiatrist, discuss my sterilisation. She did a quick scan with a dirty doppler and then told me to come back at 24wks. When I asked about the pre-eclampsia and my other appointment she said "that doesn't present until the 3rd trimester, there is nothing we can do about that anyways.". I said "that's rubbish, I got it at 27wks last time." so she told me to go to my GP.
I walked out and burst into tears. I went up to the midwives station and a very imposing woman hustled me into another room. She told me that the doctor should have done all that stuff and told me how to make a complaint. I was so upset, I couldn't stop sobbing and crying. I then had to go and get my bloods done but I was so upset she couldn't get a vein. Lovely woman sent me home and rang me the next day. She organised a heap of appointments for me and told me to do my bloods next week (today)
So, today I went for my coagulation appointment. It was very "enlightening". Basically, against every bit of medical advice i've ever been given before, aspirin and heparin can reduce the instances of pre-eclampsia recurring if you have a familial history of clots! The top fetal maternal experts in the country assured me it wasn't possible only 2 years ago. Anyways, the haematologist said I'm the first definitive case She's seen since the study came out and she started me on heparin shots, one a day until 6 wks after the baby comes.
http://www.trialregister.nl/trialreg/admin/rctview.asp?TC=337
After this I had to go back for more bloods. No hope. Not a chance. They poked and prodded and left me black and blue but still no bloods. I was sent off for lunch and told to come back. They brought me to the A&E and my lovely lady tried to get a vein again. Just as she got one in my arm, I fainted and blew the vein. Argh!!! I now can't start the heparin until after I have these bloods taken so I have to back in again tomorrow, dragging Isabella with me cos there is no-one to take her. I should have started the heparin at 12wks but as my 1st appt was so late, I missed that window.
I've just gotten a magic offer from some new friends to meet me in town and mind me and Isabella while I get the bloods done. Heaps of people make offers but when someone steps up and says "I'll see you in there at x time" it really makes all the difference. Huge relief. I hope they get the fecking blood they want after all.
Honestly? I've been waiting until I was in better form, feeling healthier and more positive etc. I'm still waiting.
I'm 16wks today. At this stage with Isabella, I was more than half way through my pregnancy and I was about to get married. I am starting to get little wriggles and stretches and the rare kick. I can feel the Bean mooching around and love when it ducks and pushes away from a belt or a my laptop. It gives me a little reason to smile.
I had my first appointment on the 28th but it was disastrous. The midwives were totally uninterested and the doctor didn't even open my file or sit down. There were so many things the doctors visit was supposed to do. I was to get her to organise appts with the coagulation clinic, the BP clinic, the psychiatrist, discuss my sterilisation. She did a quick scan with a dirty doppler and then told me to come back at 24wks. When I asked about the pre-eclampsia and my other appointment she said "that doesn't present until the 3rd trimester, there is nothing we can do about that anyways.". I said "that's rubbish, I got it at 27wks last time." so she told me to go to my GP.
I walked out and burst into tears. I went up to the midwives station and a very imposing woman hustled me into another room. She told me that the doctor should have done all that stuff and told me how to make a complaint. I was so upset, I couldn't stop sobbing and crying. I then had to go and get my bloods done but I was so upset she couldn't get a vein. Lovely woman sent me home and rang me the next day. She organised a heap of appointments for me and told me to do my bloods next week (today)
So, today I went for my coagulation appointment. It was very "enlightening". Basically, against every bit of medical advice i've ever been given before, aspirin and heparin can reduce the instances of pre-eclampsia recurring if you have a familial history of clots! The top fetal maternal experts in the country assured me it wasn't possible only 2 years ago. Anyways, the haematologist said I'm the first definitive case She's seen since the study came out and she started me on heparin shots, one a day until 6 wks after the baby comes.
http://www.trialregister.nl/trialreg/admin/rctview.asp?TC=337
After this I had to go back for more bloods. No hope. Not a chance. They poked and prodded and left me black and blue but still no bloods. I was sent off for lunch and told to come back. They brought me to the A&E and my lovely lady tried to get a vein again. Just as she got one in my arm, I fainted and blew the vein. Argh!!! I now can't start the heparin until after I have these bloods taken so I have to back in again tomorrow, dragging Isabella with me cos there is no-one to take her. I should have started the heparin at 12wks but as my 1st appt was so late, I missed that window.
I've just gotten a magic offer from some new friends to meet me in town and mind me and Isabella while I get the bloods done. Heaps of people make offers but when someone steps up and says "I'll see you in there at x time" it really makes all the difference. Huge relief. I hope they get the fecking blood they want after all.
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